~and the prestigious 'Mommy" award goes to the birthday girl...~

In forty-nine years of living this so-called life, I feel I am just beginning to really recognize the truly valuable and distinguish it from the simulated mimicry the ego mind busily bombards the thought-field with. Today is my birthday. In moments like now, I can only see the student in me.

It has taken nearly half a century to get there~ to the beginning of living. I spent the youngish-half of my adulthood teaching what I didn’t know, until I learned I didn’t know, and then realized that was square one: the only place from which I had a chance at any wisdom at all.

Motherhood is the course the universe offers for the souls who have a tendency to under-value and over-think themselves.

Here’ the story of motherhood curriculum in action…

It was coming up on sunrise, following another night rocking and nursing and comforting my infant son Lucas. I was simply cradling and nursing; tracing his perfect little features with my fingertips, memorizing each detail, overwhelmed with perfection and love, indelibly imprinting it in my mind.

I remember noticing in my peripheral vision that the sun was coming up over the mountain in the east. A new day dawning, as too, was a fresh view of my Self and motherhood, in a single miracle of total acceptance and gratitude. I was vaguely aware I was inside a miracle; part of something grand and infinite, resting in a sense of timeless now-ness, completeness.

I watched his tiny fingers reaching, touching, exploring their source of nurturing, cradled in love; as in my heart-mind with its tiny fingers explored the possibilities of endless Source… I was in awe. Still am. Never understood how someone as bent on a ‘get-it-right’ life, could still for moment and experience ‘enough’ in full-blown gratitude…

I can’t tell you how much, when I began my ‘spiritual journey’, I would draw from these miracle moments of nursing and awakening~ to give hope when I felt hopeless~ to surrender when the war-against myself was too much~ when the meaning of gratitude eluded me.

My birthday and Mother’s Day always fall right next to each other, if not on the same day. Duh! God-clue that motherhood’s my curriculum and paves the path to heaven…

Change of mind could change the world~

I stumbled upon this street art picture, this morning. I liked it, so I'm sharing it with you.
Seeing it got me thinking about the experience of having people with signs sitting out on the street, in front of stores, on sidewalks at freeway exists. How do we feel about it? I’ll tell you, when I first encountered this (I was a flower child at the time), you didn’t see it very much. Actually, what you saw at exits back then, were hitchhikers. (That’s another post entirely) Anyway, I wondered what happened to these people who would sit on street corners and hold a sign that said ‘hungry-please help” or “will work for food”, or my favorite, “will be president for food”. I pitied them. I noticed a desire to avoid, I felt ashamed.

Now, someplace in the course of my own growing up, through my coming to honesty with my own mind and beliefs and choices that shaped my life, I began to respect these people I once pitied, for the lives they created for themselves, exactly as they were.

Who am I to decide that one lifestyle is more worthy or worthwhile than any other. Also, as I got really honest with myself, the kind of honesty that left me with 100% responsibility, I came to understand the interconnectedness of all of us.

The world I see is the out-picturing of my mind (mind as one). I made a deliberate choice to see through the eyes of love and gratitude, and more often than not, I do. So I can now and respond with ability and honesty. I guess I am no longer afraid of my mind, and subsequently, what seems as others…

So, I see this picture I stumble on today, as a reflection of the heal-the-world part of our one-mind… And it’s nice to see.

~ The best part of wakin' up is integrity in your cup.... aahh, integrity...

Integrity has been the conversation of the month between my son Lucas and myself. It is the really the topic that resides silently in the background of every conversation for any of us, is it not? It seems to me that our first relationship is with our own integrity. And we face the truth of who we are to ourselves, know what our values are and what matters most to us, give us an integral point from which we can operate honestly, or not in relationship with others and the world at large. If we have not taken this deliberate study inward with ourselves, we are forever at the mercy of dictates of an outer world we seem to belong to. The truth is, we belong to Self and the world reflects our relationship with ourselves first, with influences on every level, every other relationship we have with each other. For me the imperative is one of Love. Ask first: “What is the meaning of what I behold~ Is love present?’ then “What is the purpose? and ~What would Love have me do?” This leads me into the ballpark of the truth of any situation, without too much ego agenda to interfere. And believe me, I don’t say this all with a grain of salt. No, I came by this knowing quite roughly, I nearly filleted my soul before I came to realize you can’t escape your self… you’re all you’ve got ~ and in the end, the best game/friend going. And, it turns out, the very happiness I was looking for by bidding myself out to whatever external authority, resides right here, with numero uno! ~BIG RELIEF~ ~My integrity, it turns out is really all I’ve got in truth. And, that’s just enough… from here, the world is really my oyster… Here are some yummy integrity quotes Lucas sent me:

“This above all; to thine own self be true.”

“No amount of ability is of the slightest avail without honor.”

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.’

“If we have integrity, nothing else matters. If we don't have integrity, nothing else matters.”

“Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.”

“So, live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.”